One of my friends got married today. It was a beautiful ceremony as they usually are and the reception was fun too.
However, I just don't like going to weddings anymore because they are never mine. It's not that I'm in love with the idea of having a wedding, I really just want to find my one and only. The one who's going to love me, care for me, and be with me for as long as God lets us.
I know I get on this topic a lot....actually quite a bit, but it is something that weighs heavily on my mind. Will I ever meet "the one?!" Have I already met him and passed him by? Am I to wait until I'm 40 to meet this man?
I've never been one who likes the unknown. As a child, after I stopped believing in Santa, I would find where my parents hid our presents and look at all of them. I'd know which ones were for me and which were for my siblings, yet I was still always excited on Christmas morning when I opened them.....because I knew exactly what they were and knew I'd LOVE them. So, when I don't know what's going to happen, I get anxious....very anxious. I don'[t know if it's a control thing or what. I just need to know what's going to happen.
With that being said, this not knowing when I'll find my other half is killing me! I know, I know! It will happen when you're least expecting it. Well I've pretty much given up hope on that one. Why is it so easy for some people to find their loves, know for sure that it is for real and live happily ever after (of course with all the ups and downs of life, but they get through it together)?
Somehow, I need to take charge of my life. Stop moping around and waiting for my knight in shining armor. Toss aside the notion that he exists and all I have to do is sit patiently and wait for him. I've waited long enough I think and if he's not going to come to me, then by God I guess I need to go to him!
There's just one problem. I have NO idea where to look for him. I've tried looking on this thing here where a few of my friends have found their spouses, but I just don't have any luck. Am I too picky? Perhaps. Should I just try dating guys just to date? Um...I'll have to think about that one. I'm just tired of getting the messages from guys who are not even close to what I am attracted to. Then I think, "is that my problem? Am I too hasty in my judgement of these men?" But I just don't see the point of getting to know someone when you have NO common interests. Yes, opposites have attracted some times, but I'm just not so sure it will with this person.
Don't get me wrong, I meet guys a lot. And they are just wonderful men. Witty, intellectual, not to bad looking, snazzy dresser, and great to be around. There's just one small, tiny problem....I don't think their wives/fiancees/girlfriends would like to share them with me. Although I've never asked them, but I'm just assuming.
I'm really tired of being lonely. I don't mind being alone. I actually quite like being by myself. It's just that I would like to know that when I don't feel like being so isolated, there's someone who will wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe and loved. Friends can only do so much for your soul and I truly treasure my friends and the time they spend with me. I just feel that something is missing in my life. Something BIG.
My friend has told me that I do have guys who are interested in me. Yes, that's true. But I have no interest in them. I just don't feel how I think I should feel. You know, butterflies in the stomach. Waiting to just catch a glimpse of him. Smile whenever I think of him and know that he's thinking of me and smiling too. So, where are you?!?!?